This might be hard to follow but it kept me up last night thinking about all this so I'm going to write it out the best I can. The plan is to type and check as I go to make sure I make some sense. As most of you who read this little blog know I have been working on health in my life for 3 to 4 years now. But since the end of 2013 I've been trying to find true personal purpose and peace. Not something temporary or an emotional band aid, but real steadfast happiness. This may sound odd now but the more I go on it will become more clear...I hope.
Fast forward to now! I see my life in categories now (cause my brain is chaos, in need of order) and it has really been better. Here they are; Dreams, Wants, Needs, and Reality. So here's how it works. We all have dreams and that's not bad. I have always dreamed of performing. I always dreamed of a large family. The list goes on, we all have them. Then we have wants. I want a bigger, nicer, house. I want all the clothes I have pinned on my boards. I want to eat cupcakes and get skinny, etc. Now moving to needs. Most folks don't realize how basic this category really is. But I'll go more into that later. Finally, we have reality. That is simply where were we are now and really looking at what can be changed or not. You know, that thing we say we hope we have serenity to accept? For years I wasn't doing well with feeling lost. I had lost myself in being a mom, I had lost what I thought was a better body, I had lost so much. Yes, I know it's all in perspective and how we view things, but I just felt like I was spinning in circles getting nowhere and still feeling useless. The funny thing about life is that there are somethings we each have to "get" or understand on our own. We can learn the concept and rules of something, but there has to be that change in us that flips the switch and our mind is really opened to what our lives really mean. Then true happiness starts to grow. The kind that we can run to and cuddle with, even in the really rough times in our lives.
The biggest "ah ha" moment was this year in January when I stumbled across a documentary on Netflix. It's called "The Secret". Yes, when you first start it you're thinking, this is a little odd. But then as I really listened it's what we are told in each General Conference. It all fits together! For me, it showed me how to really apply the things I learned in Conference in my actual life. Next, I started searching and reading scriptures and conference talks. My mom sends out her Sunday school lesson, with notes and assignments each week so I have been using this knew found Secret there as well. I was, for the first time, really hungry to learn more and figure myself, and my life out. Now I am reading a book called The Power of Intention. It has helped even more teaching me how to use all these spiritual things I've learned in my life each day. This has been the information I needed. I don't think it's the same for everyone. But I can't believe how I see life so differently now. It's truly wonderful.
OK, I'm going to do my best to talk more about these categories. I had been ignoring my dreams for years. My kids need me. My husband needs me. My home needs me. I should be sewing and painting and homemaking. But none of it was completely fulfilling to me. Not just one little thing that was just my heart's dream. The biggest dream I've had is to become an acting/singing star. Back before that was the "thing" to do. My other was to be this mom of 6-8 kids and raise an outdoorsy family. Dream big, right?! God will make it happen. It's a worthy goal! We hear these things all the time. Little did I realize that I had and have more to do with my life then I originally thought. I believe I had a huge hand in it before I was even sent here to earth. I didn't realize the plan for my life didn't start here. But I didn't start here! Duh, right?! There was a pre-earth life. So should I go for my dreams? Absolutely! We have dreams for a reason. They are how we remember what we wanted for ourselves before we came to earth. It helps us find our talents and joy in our existence... in Emily's opinion! So I have my three boys and have started in Acting classes. I took voice when I was in High School.
Wants! These are the things I think about daily and I know I could really make them happen if I decided to. I want a particular house, or I want certain type clothes. I want a smokin' body that is lean and tone. They are do-able things that we tend to have running through our minds. The needs come hand in hand with this category. Needs are really very, very simple. I know we (in this day in age) think we need stuff that is really a luxury. For example, cell phones, cars (plural), each kid having their own room. I could keep going. Am I advocating we all live that way? No, if we are living the commandments and all that stuff then do what you will with your money. Well, really we can all do what we want. I'm just speaking from my beliefs. So we really need about as much as a new baby. We need food, water, sleep, protection from the elements, clothes to cover us, and basic hygiene supplies. Oh, and of course you really can't have any of this if you can't pay for it. Since we have established ourselves more as the years have gone by I try to find a middle ground for our family. Do we need a 2500 or larger square foot home? No, but it is a want of mine if the monthly payment falls in our budget. The list continues. I just go down and ask myself questions to see where things fall in our list of priorities.
Finally my favorite. Reality! As we have learned in life there are somethings we can't change. It's going to be hot in the South. The sun rises and sets each day. The sky is blue or cloudy, but we don't control it. The biggest one...other people. We can't force others to change or do things. Well, we shouldn't if we do! But after I had figured all this out between wants, needs, and dreams. What was going to be my reality? And what was my reality now. The thing about OUR reality is that there is a lot about it we can change. Then all the really tough questions have to be answered. I want a smokin' body, but do I have 6 hours a day to dedicate to the gym or running? And do I have the time and patients to eat a strict diet? What can I do? What is realistic for me? I want a huge house, but what can I keep it clean? Am I really going to hire someone to help me keep it clean? My reality can change but there are things that can't now. I have three kids. They need me still(some), but they do. I need to spend time with my husband if I want to keep our marriage good. Lots of variables and lots of questions. I was completely overwhelmed and completely collapsed in on myself.
Is everything all fixed now? No! But I (at least) know how to have that perspective everyone has always talked about. I know what's important to me and what I really want from life. Cause life didn't start here on earth and it doesn't end here! I will read over this to see if it makes any kind of sense, but I really hope that this means something to someone...anyone. Even if it doesn't it has meant something to me!
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